Finding Your Voice Abroad: On Fear, Fluency, and Speaking Before You're Ready

It’s one of the greatest, most universal struggles of expat life: speaking the local language when you’re not yet fluent.

You know the one.

You’re standing in a bakery, rehearsing your order like it’s opening night on Broadway:

“Bonjour. Une baguette, s’il vous plaît."

But then the baker throws you a curveball:

“Bien cuite ou pas trop cuite?”

Suddenly, the spotlight’s too bright, your lines vanish, and you smile awkwardly like, “Oui?”

We’ve all been there.

That Time I Tried to Be Fluent... in Silence

When I first moved to France 25 years ago, I didn’t just bring a suitcase—I brought a fear of sounding foolish.

I was polite. Observant. Smiled a lot. But mostly, I stayed quiet.

Why? Because I was afraid that speaking up and getting it wrong would not only confuse people… but make them judge me. Harshly.

What I eventually realized is that my fear wasn’t entirely about French. It was about me.

Back in the U.S., I’d sometimes struggle to understand non-native English speakers. I didn’t judge them for not being fluent—but I did feel flustered, unsure how to help, and incredibly awkward. And somewhere along the way, I assumed others would feel that same awkwardness with me in France. So I held back.

Breaking Through the Fear

The turning point wasn’t magical. It was messy and—full disclosure time—sometimes drenched with wine.

I took language classes. I spent evenings around native speakers. And yes, I occasionally poured myself an extra glass of red to quiet the perfectionist in my head.

Bit by bit, things started to shift.

I realized people weren’t grading me—they were just trying to understand me. And most of the time, they appreciated the effort. Even when I made mistakes. Especially when I made mistakes.

Why Speaking a New Language Feels So Vulnerable

Here’s the truth: learning a language isn’t just about vocabulary. It’s about identity.

In your native language, you’re quick-witted, articulate, the queen (or king) of small talk. In a second language? You sound like a toddler with a master’s degree. It’s humbling. Sometimes hilarious. Occasionally horrifying.

And yet... this is the real work of becoming at home in a new place. Letting yourself be seen—even when you’re not polished or perfect.

The Only “Secret” to Fluency

Language doesn’t live in apps or textbooks. It lives in real moments:

In mispronunciations and shared meals. In awkward small talk and late-night laughs. In brave conversations that start with, “Sorry, my French isn’t perfect…”

Fluency isn’t a finish line. It’s a slow dance between effort and experience. You don’t wake up one day fluent. You just realize, one afternoon, that you didn’t panic on the phone. Or that you told a joke. And someone laughed. In the right place.

That’s the win.

For the Expat Who’s Still Hesitating

If you’re out there ducking phone calls, avoiding cafés, or still practicing your order five times before walking in — I see you.

You’re not failing.

You’re growing.

Yes, your accent is strong.

Yes, your verb conjugation may be a bit off.

But your willingness to try? That’s the most fluent thing about you.

So speak before you’re ready. Make the mistake. Take the class. Laugh about it later.

And if you need support while you’re building your confidence (language or otherwise), I’m here for that too.

Because this expat life? It’s not just about surviving abroad. It’s about finding your voice—and using it, even when it’s shaky.

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