Making Friends Abroad… and Watching Them Leave: The Hidden Grief of Expat Life

You finally met someone who gets it.

They know the weird supermarket brands. They won’t judge your accent. They also have no idea how to navigate French bureaucracy and are equally baffled by the social etiquette at the school gate.

You bond instantly over wine, weather complaints, and your shared confusion about whether that form was supposed to be filled out in triplicate.

You start texting regularly. You share rides. You survive awkward parent-teacher meetings together. You even cry about missing home at the same café table.

Then they say the words every expat dreads:

“We’re moving back.”

Suddenly you’re right back in that disorienting space—where building connection feels risky and fleeting. You’re sad. A little mad. And wondering, why does this keep happening?

Welcome to one of the quiet heartbreaks of expat life.

Expat Friendships Are Deep… and Often Temporary

The expat world runs on a funny kind of time.

Friendships don’t always build slowly. You meet someone and immediately jump into deep conversations, weekend plans, and late-night texts about missing Twinkies (Or tacos. Or your mom).

There’s no time to waste. You know one of you might leave.

And that’s what makes these relationships so meaningful—and so vulnerable. You invest with your whole heart, even when you know you don’t get to keep it forever.

Why It Hurts So Much When They Leave

When an expat friend leaves, it’s not just them you lose.

It’s also your local anchor. Your emotional translator. The person who helped you feel seen in a place where you often feel invisible.

Sometimes their departure stirs up your own doubts.

Should I move too? Am I making the right choice staying here?

It’s not just about one friendship ending—it’s the whole mental spreadsheet of your expat life that suddenly feels uncertain.

And yet… you keep showing up.

So, Should You Bother Making Friends?

Short answer? Yes.

Long answer? YES YES YES.

Just because a friendship might not last forever doesn’t mean it isn’t worth having.

Love and laughter and shared bottles of wine count - even if there’s an expiration date.

If we only invested in what was guaranteed, we’d miss out on almost everything that matters.

You’re not weak for being sad when someone leaves. You’re not naive for opening up again. You’re brave for trying, resilient for staying, and human for hurting.

A Few Heart-Steadying Thoughts:

- Feel what you feel. Grief over a friend leaving is real. It’s okay to feel untethered for a while.

- Keep your door open. Yes, the pain of goodbye stings. But so does loneliness. Let new people in, even if they might not be forever.

- Create small rituals. Host Sunday brunches, language swap nights, or WhatsApp book clubs. Community grows from repetition.

- Stay connected. Even if your friend moves away, modern life lets us keep the good ones. Long-distance friendships count too.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re in that place—saying goodbye, again—take heart. This part of expat life is hard, but you’re not the only one carrying a suitcase full of hellos and see-you-soons.

And if you’re the one staying? Keep reaching out. Keep building. Keep choosing connection.

Even if it’s not forever, it’s real. And that’s more than enough.

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