The Hidden Truth About Homesickness: What It’s Really About, How Long It Lasts, and What to Do When It Shows Up

When I first moved abroad 25 years ago, everything felt new and full of possibility. I wasn’t expecting life to feel like an extended vacation, but I did assume that my sense of adventure would carry me through the hard parts. I was eager to build something meaningful in a place that had been calling to me.

In the beginning, it was all adrenaline and excitement. I marveled at the architecture, admired the outdoor cafés, and fumbled charmingly through conversations in a foreign language. Even the confusing paperwork and unfamiliar systems had a kind of novelty to them: it was bureaucracy, but the quaintly European kind. I just rolled with it.

But after a while, the newness wore off.

I remember the exact moment it shifted. I had just come back from trying (and failing) to sort out a simple banking issue that, back home, would’ve taken five minutes and zero paperwork. I stood in my kitchen, holding an unfamiliar brand of tea, and I just…felt it. A wave of sadness. The kind that settles in your chest like fog.

I missed home. But more than that, I missed feeling capable. I missed walking into places and knowing exactly what to say. I missed the version of me who didn’t have to translate her thoughts before speaking. The version who didn’t feel like she was two steps behind everyone else, all the time.

That’s the tricky thing about homesickness: it often disguises itself as a longing for a place. But what you’re really missing might be a version of yourself: one who felt more confident, more connected, more you.

For me, homesickness came in waves. Sometimes it was soft and sentimental: a favorite snack I couldn’t find, a holiday spent differently, the ache of missing a friend’s wedding back home. Other times, it was sharper. Isolation. Frustration. That odd sense of invisibility that can come when you’re surrounded by people but struggling to belong.

And the timing of it? Unpredictable.

Some people feel it right away. For others, it sneaks in months (or even years) after the move. There’s no universal timeline for when homesickness fades, or for when it reappears. You might be thriving in your expat life and still find yourself crying over a commercial from back home. (And that’s okay.)

So what can you do when it hits?

First, be gentle with yourself. Homesickness isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s not proof that you made a mistake or that you’re failing at life abroad. It’s a normal emotional response to a massive life change. You’re grieving — not just a place, but the ease, comfort, and identity that came with it.

And your nervous system? It’s working overtime.

Every day, you’re navigating unfamiliar roads, new cultural norms, different languages, and systems that don’t always make sense. Back home, you probably didn’t think twice about buying medicine or setting up your Wi-Fi. Here, every interaction requires effort and brainpower. Even the smallest tasks come with emotional weight.

Of course you’re tired. Of course you’re overwhelmed. This is your body doing its best to keep you safe in a sea of unknowns.

The good news is, this feeling doesn’t last forever. With time, routines start to form. Your brain begins to recognize patterns. You stop feeling like a tourist and start becoming part of the landscape. One day, you’ll be the one explaining how to get the right paperwork for a health card. It happens gradually (and almost always more slowly than we want it to), but it happens.

And when you miss home again (because you will), you’ll know how to ride the wave. You’ll know it’s okay to miss your people and still love your new life. You’ll remember that who you were isn’t lost...she’s just evolving. And she’s still with you.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years:

Homesickness is less about geography and more about identity. It’s about mourning the familiarity of who we were before everything changed. But if we can sit with it — without judgment — it can also lead us to rediscover new parts of ourselves we never knew were there.

You’re not doing anything wrong by struggling. You’re adapting. You’re becoming. And that’s something to be incredibly proud of.

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If homesickness has been weighing on you lately, let’s talk.

You don’t have to figure it out alone. I offer 1:1 coaching for expats navigating life transitions with more clarity, confidence, and support.

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