The Truth About Expat Loneliness (and How to Find Connection Again)

Moving abroad often comes with glossy expectations: new friends from all over the world, buzzing social calendars, and that magical sense of belonging to an “international tribe.” But the truth is, for many expats, loneliness quietly creeps in once the excitement settles.

It might appear on a rainy Sunday when everyone back home seems to be at brunch together. Or when you’re at a party, surrounded by people speaking a language you still don’t fully grasp, smiling politely while wondering if you’ll ever feel like you truly belong.

Loneliness abroad isn’t just about being physically alone. It’s that nagging feeling that no one quite gets what you’re going through. It can strike even when your calendar is full. And it can feel especially heavy when you’re far from your familiar support network, your comfort foods, and even the casual chats at the grocery store you once took for granted.

For me, that reality hit hard during my very first holiday season abroad.

I had only been in France for a few months. On the surface, I was thrilled about the adventure and possibilities that lay ahead. But under that excitement, I was still very much in the culture shock phase. Classes at the Sorbonne had barely gotten underway, my high school French wasn’t carrying me very far, and daily life felt like one long string of awkward adjustments. Yes, I had my French fiancé to lean on, but the constant disorientation of those first months left me painfully aware that my life here was going to be radically different than if I’d stayed back in the U.S.

So I did what many expats do: I put on a brave face and did my best (fake it till you make it, right?). But when Thanksgiving rolled around, the emotions I’d been holding at bay rose up fast.

Instead of celebrating with my family back home, I tried to recreate Thanksgiving with my new French family. Not being particularly adept in the kitchen, my fiancé handled the turkey while I focused on a few side dishes I missed the most: the sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, and corn.

Of course, the only sweet potatoes I could find at the market were about three times the size of the ones I was used to back home. They took about three times as long to cook, too, which threw off the timing of the meal and left me flustered. By the time they finally made it to the table — topped with the caramelized marshmallows I insisted were non-negotiable — they became a topic of curiosity. My French in-laws weren’t sure what to make of the sweet-salty combination at first, but after some skeptical looks and questions, they gave it a try.

Even though they ended up finding it surprisingly delicious, the whole experience only deepened my awareness of how different life here was going to be. What should have been a comforting tradition instead highlighted just how far away I was from the familiar rhythms of home.

I wasn’t technically “alone”; after all, I was surrounded by a warm, welcoming French family. But being in a place where everything was new and unfamiliar — the language, the food, the cultural customs — left me feeling strangely isolated. Imagining my family back home gathered around the table, slipping easily into traditions I knew by heart, only amplified the mix of loneliness, nostalgia, homesickness, and FOMO that crept in that day.

That holiday taught me something important: loneliness abroad isn’t always about being physically by yourself. Sometimes it’s about being surrounded by people who care for you, yet still feeling disconnected from the anchor of who you are and where you come from.

Why Loneliness Hits Expats So Deeply

Loneliness abroad carries a unique sting. At home, familiar traditions, rituals, and people “cocoon” you in a sense of belonging. Abroad, those anchors are missing. You might be surrounded by people, yet feel completely out of sync with them.

Holidays and milestones often magnify those feelings. While friends and family continue their routines without you, you’re left straddling two worlds: not fully “there” anymore, but not fully “here” yet either.

Even ordinary days can trigger it: being sick without anyone nearby who knows how to care for you in the way you’re used to, facing a weekend with no plans while everyone else seems busy, or realizing that nobody around you shares the cultural references that once made conversations effortless. Loneliness, in that sense, is more than being by yourself; it’s the unsettling feeling of being unmoored.

And then there’s the transient nature of expat life. People come and go. Maybe you’ve finally built a friendship circle, only to watch half of them pack up and leave for the next assignment. That cycle can make you hesitate to invest fully, afraid of the pain of inevitable goodbyes.

What Actually Helps on the Lonely Days

When loneliness shows up, it can feel overwhelming…but there are ways to make it lighter.

Creating small rituals can help. Maybe it’s cooking a comfort meal from home on Sundays or calling a friend back in your country every Saturday morning. These anchor points remind you that even though your environment has changed, you still have continuity.

Seek out connection in simple ways. Becoming a “regular” at a café, greeting neighbors, or attending a class gives you tiny sparks of recognition that slowly grow into belonging.

Sometimes, build hybrid traditions. If a holiday feels especially tender, consider hosting a “Friendsgiving” or inviting other expats to share their customs. It won’t replicate home, and that’s not the point. It creates something new and meaningful right where you are.

And yes, it often takes courage to be the one who initiates. Inviting a new acquaintance for coffee or joining a local group might feel uncomfortable at first, but those small steps often open the door to friendships you didn’t expect.

A New Way to Look at Feeling Lonely

Loneliness abroad doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It’s a very normal, human emotion. And paradoxically, that recognition can make the feeling a little easier to carry.

Loneliness can also be a teacher. It pushes you to ask: What do I really need to feel connected? What kinds of friendships or routines matter most to me? Many expats discover that the relationships they form abroad become unusually deep because they grow out of an honest need for connection.

There’s also a difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness says, “I wish I had someone to share this with.” Solitude says, “I can enjoy this moment, even on my own.” Taking yourself on a small adventure — a walk, a new café, a quiet hour of journaling — can transform lonely time into restorative alone time.

Learning to sit with yourself (even when the silence feels uncomfortable) is often where resilience begins.

The Lesson in Loneliness

The truth about expat loneliness is that it’s universal, and it’s temporary. Almost every expat has had a night when the homesickness, nostalgia, and isolation come crashing together. But those moments don’t define you, and they don’t last forever.

Instead, they mark the in-between stage: the messy middle between the life you left and the one you’re still creating.

If you’re feeling lonely abroad right now, please know this: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone in the experience. Loneliness is a sign of how deeply you long for connection, and how capable you are of creating it.

Over time, as you build friendships, discover routines, and let your new life grow roots, the loneliness softens. And one day, maybe without even noticing it at first, you’ll realize you feel at home — not because you erased the loneliness, but because you lived through it and found connection on the other side.

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Struggling to Find Your Footing Abroad?

As a Certified Integrative Wellness & Life Transition Coach, I help expats like you build practical tools, fresh perspectives, and supportive routines that make life abroad feel more balanced and connected.

Curious if coaching could support you? Click on the “Contact” menu tab to book a free discovery call today.

Because you deserve to thrive — not just survive — wherever you call home.

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