When Expat Life Feels Like a Constant Goodbye
- thriveonthrough
- Aug 4
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 9
What no one tells you about the emotional cost of living abroad—and how to move through it with grace.
When I first moved abroad 25 years ago, I thought the hardest goodbye would be the one at the airport. Tears, hugs, promises to visit soon, and one last look at the people and places I’d always called home. What I didn’t realize then was that goodbye wouldn’t be a one-time event. It was just the beginning.
No one really warns you that expat life is a masterclass in saying goodbye. Not just once. Over and over again. And not only to people you love, but to places, routines, communities, and even versions of yourself.
If you’re living abroad (or preparing to), you might already sense it: the goodbyes are baked in. And if you’ve felt the emotional weight of this, you’re not alone.
Goodbye #1: The One You Expect (Sort of)
When you leave your home country, you brace yourself for a big farewell. Family dinners. Farewell parties. A few tears at the airport. This is the goodbye that everyone talks about.
But what makes this goodbye linger isn’t just the people…it’s the small things. Your neighborhood grocery store. The smell of your favorite coffee shop. The ease of knowing how to get somewhere without checking your phone. The familiarity of your native language, your cultural norms, even your inside jokes.
In those first few months abroad, this goodbye can sneak up on you in surprising ways. You’re making pasta in your new apartment and suddenly miss the brand of olive oil from back home. You’re standing in a supermarket, translating labels, and feel a sudden pang of exhaustion. You’re not homesick for one specific person or thing. You’re homesick for familiarity.
Goodbye #2: The Friends That Come and Go
Making friends as an expat is like speed dating at summer camp. You meet someone, you click, and suddenly you're inseparable for three months. You grab coffee, explore local markets, swap expat horror stories, and laugh about language fails. You breathe a sigh of relief. I’ve found my person here.
But then…they move away.
Because that’s the nature of this life. Jobs change. Visas expire. People leave.
And each time they do, it can feel like another little heartbreak. You’re happy for their next adventure, of course. But you’re also left starting over. Again.
One of the strange things about expat life is that you can feel both deeply connected and perpetually in transition. The revolving door of friendships can wear on your heart after a while. And that exhaustion you feel? It’s not weakness. It’s grief.
Goodbye #3: The Version of Yourself You Left Behind
This one’s a bit more subtle, but just as real.
Living abroad stretches you in unexpected ways. You become more adaptable, more resourceful, more aware of the world. But in the process, you might also find yourself mourning the version of “you” that existed before this big leap.
The one who didn’t have to think so hard about every social interaction. The one who felt confident in their professional identity. The one who had routines, support systems, and a sense of place.
You’re not losing yourself, but you are evolving. And sometimes, growth involves a gentle kind of grief. You say goodbye to comfort, certainty, and the way things used to be. This isn’t often talked about, but it should be.
The Emotional Toll of Constant Goodbyes
All these goodbyes stacked one on top of another can start to feel heavy. And they often show up as:
Feeling emotionally drained, even when nothing “bad” has happened
Pulling back from new relationships because you're afraid they'll be temporary
Struggling to invest in your surroundings because you don’t know how long you’ll be there
Questioning your decision to move abroad in the first place
These are very real and very human reactions to a life that’s constantly shifting. If you’re experiencing this, it doesn’t mean you’re failing at expat life. It means your heart is working overtime to process everything you’re navigating.
You’re Not Alone (and You’re Not Broken)
It’s tempting to tell ourselves to “suck it up.” After all, we chose this life, right?
But choosing an adventure doesn’t mean you’re immune to the emotional impact of it. Living abroad is rich and beautiful, but it’s also layered and complex. The goodbyes don’t stop coming, and that can hurt.
But here’s the truth I’ve learned over and over, with every goodbye:
Every goodbye shapes you.
They make you braver.
They teach you how to start again.
They help you appreciate what truly matters.
And they open your heart — sometimes painfully, but always meaningfully.
So What Can You Do?
You can’t avoid goodbyes, but you can make space for them. Here are a few things that have helped both me and my clients:
1. Let yourself grieve, even the small things.
It’s okay to cry over a friend moving away or missing your old routines. These little losses matter.
2. Create rituals around farewells.
Write a note. Share a meal. Give a small gift. Mark the moment: it helps bring closure and meaning.
3. Stay open to connection.
Yes, it’s hard to keep starting over. But every new person is an opportunity for growth, laughter, and belonging.
4. Give yourself permission to change.
You’re not who you were when you left. And that’s okay. Growth is a beautiful, messy thing.
5. Talk about it.
With friends. With fellow expats. With a coach. You don’t have to carry all of this alone.
A Final Word
If you’ve been feeling worn down by all the goodbyes, please hear this:
There’s nothing wrong with you. This isn’t weakness…it’s courage, in action.
You’re choosing a life that’s bigger, more layered, and yes, sometimes harder. But you’re also becoming someone stronger, more compassionate, and more deeply connected to what it means to be human.
So the next time you find yourself waving goodbye — whether to a friend, a city, or a version of yourself — remember this:
You’re still here. You’re still growing. And your story is far from over.
And if you ever need a little support as you navigate this beautifully complex life abroad, I’m here.
———
Click on the “Contact” menu tab to book a free discovery call and talk about how to make expat life feel a little lighter, one decision at a time.
Comments